We are just an hour into the New Year and I’ve already had my first revelation.  I grapple every day with my inability to return to weekly prayer services.  I went from attending more than once a week to attending a handful of times last year.  I feel guilty every Saturday morning but that guilt isn’t sufficient to get me to pray in an organized way.  My belief in a higher power is unswayed and I have no desire to turn away from the basic tenets of my faith.  My soul searching started about 15 months ago and I’ve gotten no closer to finding an answer except the problem is slightly more crystallized in my mind.  The problem isn’t the tenets of my faith (or any other faith for that matter) but with the people that superficially show their adherence to faith.

The façade starts early in our lives and continues throughout in so many different forms.  In the sight of our Lord we promise to love, honor and cherish a partner and then when the promise becomes uncomfortable or annoying we convince ourselves that the vow didn’t mean much and there are special circumstances which, in each specific case, makes divorce legitimate.  Maybe if we took the original oath more seriously there would be fewer marriages and a lower rate of divorce.  Or there would be more civil unions and the same rate of divorce.

But that isn’t close to the problem that bothered me the most in 2011.  I have written about income inequality and problems with the economy.  I have had arguments with close friends about our different perspectives.  My friend Buddy is one of the best souls I know and understands the economy far better than I.  He leans toward being a libertarian and is always able to show me flaws in my logic.  And he is right.  Sort of.  But the argument that “I don’t understand how jobs are created” is correct only up to a point.  I don’t understand the nuances.  But I do know what is right about how my faith tells me to treat everyone else.  That leads to my current state of mind.

Here’s are my latest questions.  Explain to me how giving wealthy people even more wealth creates more jobs.  The richer have gotten far richer and there are fewer and fewer jobs.  Explain to me how the growing divide between the wealthy and the average person has improved the lives of the average person.  Explain to me how, in my profession (an academic), faculty salaries have remained stagnant, taking into account inflation, for 40 years and administrators (the academic equivalent of executives) have seen a 75% increase in the last 10 years?  How has that created jobs?  How has further dividing the country created jobs, engendered hope, or added to the stability of the nation?

That is the central problem of my religious uncertainty.  Supposedly religious politicians support the ridiculous notion of “trickle down” economies.  During the news I saw a picketer with a sign that reminded me of previous protests “What would Jesus do?”  I’m not a Christian but that to me is the question I wanted answered by everyone in Congress that supposedly represent the People.  I want to hear how their adherence to political dogma takes precedence over the lives of their constituents.  I want business executives attending religious services to explain how they send jobs overseas and foreclose on homes and then take pay raises and bonuses.

I want to understand this.  I really do.

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